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Timeless Secrets
of Loving Relationships
by Michael Traveler

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When's the last time you played in the lawn sprinkler with your spouse? Or took a walk together in the rain? Had a pillow fight? Or skipped rocks across the lake? Took the day off from work with no particular plan in mind, other than to spend the day with the one you love?
When's the last time you felt truly alive, giddy, like a little child at play? According to Wayne Misner, author of Men Don't Listen, people take life too seriously. "What we need to do is find the little boy and little girl within ourselves and get them to come out and play," explains Misner. "When fun is missing, the relationship is headed for trouble. So, what are you waiting for? Write her a love note, slip it in her briefcase or sack lunch ... lighten up, have fun, see who can act sillier ... " Take time out to start enjoying life ...

Misner suggests the first place to start is by making a Love List.

"Tell her that you want her in your arms ... " he writes " ... and will never let her go, that she is one of life's delicacies, that when you are near her the whole world is beautiful and full of wonder ... "

His list includes touching one another (in a non-sexual way) at least 10 times a day, complimenting one another, massaging each other's back, courting her forever (sending cards, flowers, notes ... for no reason other than you care), going on hayrides together, listening when she talks (and not trying to fix it) just listen, being affectionate.

Misner challenges men in his book to "exhibit love." He dares men to "be brave," to get in touch with their emotions, to let themselves "feel." In fact, he "double dares them." The problem isn't that men don't listen. The problem is they don't "want to feel," according to Misner. They've been conditioned to be distant, unreachable, strong.

Dr. Joan Shapiro wrote in her book MEN: A Translation for Women ... "Men are expected to be like soldiers all the time, and they come to expect this of themselves. They act brave and take charge even if others, including we women, don't overtly ask them to do so. If there is a noise in the house in the middle of the night, the man is expected to get up to investigate, even if he has no knowledge of self-defense." He's supposed to go down with the ship without showing "any feelings."

Tova Borgnine wrote in Being Married Happily Forever, "I believe it's our job as women and wives to teach our men how to be emotionally open, how to be physically close, and how to connect on a soul-deep level with the women they married. This may sound old-fashioned, or out of step with the times, but none of that matters if it's true."

So, how does one do this? Misner suggests, "You tell him you want to help him understand you." Then, both the man and woman make a list of their own personal needs, breaking their lists down into sections: rules, love, house, [offensive material is not allowed], kids and so forth.

Once the couple starts fulfilling the items on each other's list, shared feelings of intimacy and romance will be put in place and the wheels will start turning. All of us "want to matter, to have our hearts touched in special ways and to feel precious," explains Misner.

And it all starts with having the right attitude. "Make an effort to look at the positive side of events," writes Stacey Colino in Fill Your Life With Joy. "Happy people view hardships and setbacks as temporary events or opportunities to introduce a new approach."

Misner writes: "I have found that with normal life stresses, I can unwind by doing comfort things. The trick to unwinding is to slip as many of the comfort things into your everyday life as possible."

Some of Misner's comfort things are: building a snowman and then having some hot chocolate, cooking together, going to a concert, going on a horse and carriage ride, watching a sporting event together, pitching a tent in your backyard and sleeping out for the night, gazing at the stars side by side, reading the newspaper together, flying a kite together, going hot air ballooning, sharing a sunrise or a sunset, having a slumber party and watching videos together.

It doesn't have to be complicated or expensive. The key is to reach down inside and bring the child out and let go of all the stresses of adult life. Be young again, let your imagination run wild, act like a teenager and let romance blossom. Spend the weekend in an authentic castle or hide away in one of those charming Bed and Breakfast Inns. Explore the countryside by wandering aimlessly along country backroads. Or steal away among the trees on a nature walk. All it takes is that first step ...

For more information about Misner's book, Men Don't Listen, click here or ...

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